Movie Reviews: Bones
   
 



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Studio:
     New Line (1 hr. 33 Min.)
Plot:
     Jimmy Bones, the legendary protector and patron of his thriving neighborhood returns 20 years later from the dead to kill drug dealers.
Cast:
     Snoop Dogg, Pam Grier, Sean Amsing, Ricky Harris, Merwin Mondesir
Rating:
     R
Bottom Line:
     *

Coverage:

An audience identifies with the actors of flesh and blood and heartbeat, as no reader or beholder can identify with even the most artful paragraphs in books or the most inspiring paintings. Who are we that we should deserve the honor and caliber of "Bones?"

I think we all need to take a moment and reflect on what we did to deserve this, this Godforsaken piece of crap that shouldn't have been released on tape much less the big screen. Are you kidding me? Ernest Dickerson couldn't have directed a worse film, he could have tried, but he would have failed. I haven't seen anything end this bad sense the OJ "This is why I didn't do it Video Series" Simpson.

What the hell were they thinking? I know, we'll put out this horror picture a week before Halloween to capitalize on everyone's need to be scared this time of year. And because "Bones" stars rapper/actor/marijuana advocate Snoop Dogg, people won't know whether to take it seriously or not.

Well, you can't fool us. Don't think that just because you can throw a load of garbage together, add a big star and release it right before the holiday, that were going to go in droves to your film and make you a lot of undeserved money. Because with the exception of "Police Academy 4," Halloween 3, "Jason Goes to Manhattan," "Showgirls," Blair Witch 2," "Girl 6," "Mission to Mars," "Red Planet," "Get Carter," "Battlefield Earth," and anything staring Pauly Shore, we simply don't go to bad movies.

The year is 1979, and Jimmy Bones (Snoop Dogg) is the king pimp of his neighborhood. And a group of local hoodlums, including Jimmy's best friend (Clifton Powell, "Dead Presidents"), his girl (Pam Grier, "Foxy Brown") a crooked cop (Michael T. Weiss), and the new player on the block (Ricky Harris, "Def Comedy Jam") try to entice Jimmy to start selling crack in his community. Jimmy in some sick demented world believes that pimping and running numbers are things a man can be proud of not like selling crack which in his mind is simply not cool. What was not cool was Jimmy stopping the gang’s cash flow so they killed him in his own house?

Now lets take a trip to the present day. A group of kids (lead by Khalil Kain, "Love Jones"), the sons of Jimmy's former best friend, Cliff, decide to buy Jimmy's old house and open a dance club. This place was so broke down it wouldn't be fit to throw a party in even if it weren't haunted. Since the house is haunted and they've been warned by everybody but the Surgeon General to leave, you would think that would be enough reason to "get out" as Eddie Murphy so eloquently put it. Well, you would think that. But no! When Jimmy comes back from the dead to exact revenge on those who double-crossed him everybody else becomes a casualty of war.

Earnest Dickerson’s "Bones " is a very self-conscious throwback to the cheap and effective blaxploitation pictures of the ‘70s. Using heavy amounts of character stupidity and flashes of terribly broad humor, "Bones" is the first hip-hop horror film of the new millennium designed specifically to drive the paying urban crowd wild. It isn't bright material, but I can see some solid midnight movie potential in this bizarrely conceived film. Okay, I’m lying. You can clearly tell from the structure of the movie that Ernest thought he was making a legit film. Unfortunately for him most people have seen a real movie before—so there was no use fooling (or more to the point) insulting us with cheap imitations. Having said that, I can still point out two good things about the film that didn't leave me totally disappointed. Pam Grier still looks great and—alright, well, let’s just say one thing.

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